What Are You Focusing
Where You Focus Your Attention Is What You Get
bonds over stress instead of success. I see this in action everyday.
We tend to
give each other permission to complain freely -- it's actually become the way we
interact with others. It's okay to compare stresses or say something negative to
a total stranger for the sake of opening a conversation and relating to each
other. For example, you get in the elevator on a rainy day and pronounce:
"Some storm! Traffic was terrible!" We feel free to talk about what's
wrong with everything -- from traffic, weather, the kids, the husband/wife,
work, the messy house, to crowded/late flights.
So what's wrong with this, you might ask? Well, it creates constant whining and
complaining if you're not careful!! While each of these little snippets of
conversation seems meaningless, when you look at an entire day it can add up to
a negative outlook on life. With this negative way of thinking, it can be hard
to believe in our dreams, be truly happy, and feel gratitude for our life.
We tend to look for evidence of life being hard/bad/difficult so we can share it
with someone or to prove our point. I know I've been a creator of my own
"negative spiral." I have gone through a day looking for evidence to
support how tough my life is. I awaken with a sinus headache and immediately
think it's going to be a "bad day," and then I identify all the proof
I need... There's traffic, I'm out of gas, I forgot the baby bottles, I'm late,
etc... When we keep our focus on looking for this evidence it's no surprise when
we do, in fact, have a bad day.
What if you started a conversation with a success instead? Something
like..."Hey, the greatest thing happened today..... I landed a new client;
how about those beautiful flowers out front?; or, I made the best dinner last
night!" What if you started looking for evidence of "Having a Great
Recently, Psychology Today reported how a positive attitude can help you
live longer because you feel you have more control over your life. Your energy
will amp up because you are choosing to not focus on your life using the media
mentality of "the sky is always falling." And, in the simplest of
terms... the smile on your face is more likely to put a smile on someone else's
When was the last time you actually encouraged someone to talk about what's
going well in their life? We naturally do this with our kids. We listen
attentively while they tell us how they made a slam dunk or read a new word. I
often ask my son Nicholas, "What's the most awesome thing that happened to
you today?" I get the best answers! It's usually funny too, which makes me
laugh, and makes me feel like we shared something real about his day.
A friend of mine, Sherean, has that positive outlook on life and shares it with
people in her life. She fully believes I am creative, resourceful, and fully
capable of doing anything I want to do. She values my opinions, encourages my
ideas, and I can talk about my successes (yes, even brag -- oh my!). She lets me
"shine my light" when we're together. Just planning a lunch with her
gets me in such a good mood. My creative juices go into overdrive and my energy
sparks just by knowing it's such a supportive alliance. In fact, letting me
shine gives her permission to do the same, and the value is multiplied! It
results in an uplifting and motivating conversation that carries into the rest
of our day.
We certainly need to have the support of close friends and family who we can let
it all hang out with -- it's helpful to be able to ponder and process our
difficulties in life and share solutions. But we can also choose our focus.
Where are you focusing your attention in your life? How well does this support
your vision for how you want your life to be?
SKILLS: 4 Ways to Increase Your Awareness and Change Your Attitude
1. For the
rest of the day, notice how often you bond with others over complaining about
something. Just by noticing, you create an awareness of your behavior, and that
alone can lead to inspired change.
2. Play a game for one day where you don't say anything negative. No whining. No
complaining. No bonding over stress. Notice how you feel in this situation.
(Some people find this really hard to do. There can be a bit of panic: now what
do we talk about??)
3. Next idea....Think of something positive to say AND say it! Say it to the
cashier, to the drive-through attendant when getting coffee, to the person in
the elevator, to your boss, to your coworker at lunch, to your girlfriend...
4. Give someone else permission to shine. Ask them questions like: What was the
best part of your day? What energizes you? Tell me something good! So, what
great thing did your son do today? Know that when you do, at the least,
you'll feel good and maybe, some of your light will rub off and you'll find
increased energy and inspiration. It's good to feel good!
Laura Howard West
to Faith Fuller and Marita Fridjohn of The Center For Right Relationship, behind
every complaint is a "disappointed dream." So rather than
griping, complaining, and dwelling on disappointment (or listening to others do
so), find out what the dream was. Discover the intention of that dream,
and perhaps you may find a way to salvage the dream or find a new one.
the conversation on the dream beats listening to griping any time!
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